The Leo Yockey Show

Meghan Q Barrett - Do Major Life Changes Create Anxiety?

July 20, 2021 Leo Yockey / Meghan Q Barrett Season 1 Episode 12
The Leo Yockey Show
Meghan Q Barrett - Do Major Life Changes Create Anxiety?
Show Notes Transcript

Meghan went from experiencing postpartum anxiety to creating a safe space for mothers of young kids to find community and support. Meghan and Leo discuss the anxiety that comes with major life changes (even the positive ones!) and the importance of creating time for yourself, especially once your schedule gets busy.

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By: Leo Yockey

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Leo Yockey show, the podcast where i Leo Yockey interview guests about how their unique life path led them to define success and fulfillment. The goal is to provide, honestly, all of us some relief for our existential dread. Because the answer is inside all of us, the more we listening to other stories, the easier it is to define our own truth. Right? Isn't that what life is all about? Now, just a little bit of housekeeping before I get started with the show. I said last week that I'd have an announcement and that I'd be on tik tok more. None of that is happening yet. I also mentioned that I'm in the middle of a move. So I have a few things on pause for the time being. I'm hoping to have some more updates for y'all by next week. So thank you for bearing with me. And to that end, thank you for supporting the show. Y'all are leaving some amazing, heartfelt five star reviews. And hello again, to my listeners in Canada, France, and of course, Tanzania, we are still ranking in all of those countries in addition to the United States. And as soon as I've settled down from this move, I'm going to be bringing you a lot more stuff to make this experience even better. And spoiler alert, it involves you and your own individual life stories. So I'm very excited. I'm also excited about today's guest, Megan q Barrett. I say it all the time. There are parts of the human experience that are universal. I think today's episode makes that abundantly clear. I met Megan in a book club and on the surface, we are very different. She is you know, cisgendered a mom, I am child free the transgender man. But there's something that first time mothers and transgender people early on in their transition have in common, and that is a major sudden shift in identity. Megan is a podcaster, a business owner, a coach, a mom, and we talk about all these things. Also, if you're listening to this on the day that it comes out July 20 check out Megan's Instagram and wish her a happy birthday. Yes, today is her birthday. So Happy birthday, Megan. And the link to her Instagram is in the show notes. I believe it's Megan q Barrett. So without further ado, here is the birthday girl Megan q Barrett. Hey, Megan, how's it going? How you doing? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. It is it is 6:30am my time but you know, we're here. We're chugging along. I usually wake up around 530 ish, but I'm usually not social yet. At this time. I understand that. I understand that. Thank you. Thank you for making an exception for me. Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah. You and another either guests, or I think probably former guests of the show. By the time this comes out Mwamba in Tanzania, you know, had to wake up early for him because of the extreme timezone difference. Which I guess is the case here. You're in? You're on the East Coast somewhere, right? Yes, I'm in North Carolina right outside of Raleigh. Nice. Nice. Okay. And, and from from North Carolina. I know you I feel like you're a doer of many things like myself, but primarily, I think a lot of your stuff centers around your business. All you Mama. So can you describe for the listeners what that is? Exactly. Yeah. So I started all you mama after I had about with postpartum anxiety. And I was just kind of like, in a deep, dark place in my life at that point. And one morning, I woke up and I was like, You know what, I'm just gonna get up five minutes before my kids and got up, had some coffee had a little bit of time to myself. And in less than a week, I completely felt like a different person. And I was like, you know, what, if this can change my life that much, five minutes a day, it can help so many other moms. Yeah. And so that's where it started. And it's just about helping moms to put themselves as the priority. You know, because you can't take care of all the other crap and all the other people in your life if you have nothing to give, and I feel like a lot of it has been glorified, that moms are like the selfless People, you know, and if you give everything to your kids and your family and your work or whatever it is, and you don't have anything for yourself, then you're really not giving all that you can give, as well. So it's all about taking care of yourself so that you can fully take care of the other people and things in your life. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Yeah, I think that a lot of the stuff that you share on social media, I love following on social media. And we'll, we'll probably get into some of your social media content in a second because I love it. And I'm probably gonna want to talk about it. But but I love it. Because I think a lot of what you talk about is is universal and can apply to anyone. But just like he said, you know, moms in general, are kind of viewed as people who are expected to be selfless. So all of the things that you talk about, while they're universal, they're like so much more magnified for people who have kids, for people who are moms. And you said, So you said that this all started with, you know, having postpartum anxiety. And maybe this is ignorance from like me being a man and also not really wanting kids, but I'd only ever really heard of postpartum depression. I've never heard of postpartum anxiety. So can you can you kind of explained in more detail like what you were going through at that time. So I never had heard of postpartum anxiety, either. To be totally honest with you, I am much better. Thank you. Yeah, no, I had no idea like I, I obviously, I knew about postpartum depression. And a friend of mine had actually posted on Facebook, about her experience with postpartum anxiety. And I was like, Oh, hey, that kind of sounds like me. I had no idea. This was like a thing. I thought. I really just thought it was like mom worries, right? Because Yeah, once you have children, and you are like, solely responsible for these little human lives, it's like, you worry, like, you have no choice but to worry. But like, I was staying up late at night, basically planning like, if there was a fire in my house, like, which child would I go say first? How would I do it? How would I like punch out the window, and I would just go down these holes. And I also remember, right? When the pandemic started, my husband was like, I don't know, 10 minutes late home from work. And so I'm like, oh, he obviously just got in a car accident. Okay, so no other option, no other possibility. And so I have a two year old and a five month old, and I'm like, Okay, well, I have to bring the five month old with me because he's breastfeeding. But now I'm gonna have to bring him into a hospital when there's COVID. So what am I going to do with that? I don't think I can drop them off at the neighbors. So it's like, I would have these thoughts. That seemed like a little bit crazy. But then I would go through these logical steps. So like, I felt totally logical, but like, a little bit crazy. At the same time. Yeah. And so I talked to my friend, and you know, she's like, I'm obviously not a medical professional, you should probably go talk to your midwife or ob and I did. And she said, Yeah, I mean, that's what it sounds like. And this was about three weeks before, of COVID went down. And I had decided at the time, I didn't want to go on medication. And I wanted to do talk therapy. So I went about two times before the world shutdown. And then that didn't happen. And I was home with my kids and trying to find a time to like dedicate an hour to therapy was giving me more anxiety, then you're not and so around June, so maybe like four months or so after I was diagnosed, I decided to go on medication. And it definitely helped me and I think it was the best choice for me at the time. But then I kind of gotten this it, I would take it at night, it would make me really drowsy. I basically pass out and then wake up when my son came in at seven o'clock in the morning, complaining that he wanted milk and to watch Peppa Pig. So then I basically just kind of it was great because I was able to sleep which I needed sleep, but I was just kind of using it to Okay, Now's my time to like check out of the world. And yeah, go to sleep, and then do it all over again tomorrow. And I started drinking more too, which is not the best with that medication. And I just I really got to this place where I didn't like myself as a wife, as a mother as a person. You know, I was just stuck at home with two small children that aren't great conversationalists and I just felt really alone and really isolated. And that was my way of escaping with you know, social media drinking and the medication. So, while it did help me, there were other parts that I contributed to, I have to take that responsibility that really didn't help with the medication. So, towards the end of 2020, when my son turned just just a little over one, which I have to say, as a mother, when your kids turn one, you kind of start feeling like a real human again to okay. And I was just like, you know, it was like, I woke up, I can't even say exactly what it was, it was just like, I woke up one day, and I was like, This is it, like, I can't do this, like, my kids deserve much better than this. I deserve much better. My husband does, like, I can't be doing this shit. So that's when I started waking up early. And I decided to wean off my medication as well. And I'm now back in therapy, which is amazing, which I highly suggest for anybody, whether you have postpartum anxiety, depression, postpartum, whatever, whoever you are, yeah. has been a big light in my life and making that time for myself for that, too, and just having someone to talk to you about those things. But yeah, I mean, it was definitely one of the darkest times in my life, there's like a lot of things that I look back on. I don't know if I'd say I regret them. Because, you know, it brought me to where I am now. But it's, it's a lot of things that I wasn't happy about. And I'm not proud of, I wouldn't change it. Right, because they all bring us here. And now. I'm feeling much better, and I'm able to help a lot of people. But you know, at the time, I definitely think all the people in my life deserve a lot better from me. Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you, thank you for for sharing that in in such detail. I think you've touched on a lot of really, really interesting things. I'm going to bring it back to, you know, when you were first kind of going through that spiral when your husband was late from work, and now you're like worried that your child is going to have COVID, because you will have to go to the hospital. You said something that I think was was so key said you felt like you were kind of going through the step by step like, Okay, well, I'm gonna have to do this, which will cause that, and then this, and you said, You felt totally logical, and totally crazy. And I think you touched on something really important, which is that, you know, every trait that we have, as people has kind of like a good and a bad side, or a dark and a light side, you know, like, You're, you're kicking into that high gear of like, Well, what about this? And then that? And then what if this happens? And which kid do I bring in? And what about COVID exposure? And how am I going to handle that? You know, this is kind of like, being able to set goals turned into a monster. Right? Yeah, very goal oriented person. I do that all the time. Yeah, absolutely. And so and kind of the same thing with the, with your decision to take medication, because you said something that I think is true for a lot of people, which is that finding the time to to actually go and be able to see that therapist sometimes creates more anxiety than you had before. And, you know, so at that time, that medication served a very important purpose for you. Because if you couldn't do therapy or medication, where would you be? And of course, the downside was that it made it a little bit easier to slip into more unhealthy habits, like drinking and being on social media too much, you know, but it definitely served its purpose at one point, you know, and so it really kind of speaks to the complexity of a lot of these things. Like it's not just black and white all the time. You know what I mean? So you were a personal trainer, or like a CrossFit coach, before starting all you, Mama, was that something that you had stopped at the point that you were in your postpartum anxiety? Were you no longer doing that at that time, or at least taking a break from it to kind of be on maternity leave at that time? Yes. So I took a break from pretty much everything. When my oldest was about six months old, because I just kind of felt like I was half assing everything in my life. Like I was kind of half ass and being a coach, my health coaching business, being a mom being a wife, and I just didn't, I wasn't able to focus on any one thing. So at that time, I decided, Okay, I'm going to focus on being a mom, and I'm just going to be the best mom that I can be. And so I stepped away from the coaching my health coaching business, as well as another part time job that I had to be fully a mom and it was really scary. And I was excited to do it. And then you know, I get a few months in and I'm like, Okay, now I feel like I need to do something else. I need to do something more. Yeah, I need to do something for myself, really, I need to find something for me. And I tried a few other things like here and there. And I would always start them and then quit them and keep going back. And then what were some of the things you tried? I did as as many stay at home moms do, I did an MLM or network marketing, whatever you want to call it, which I mean, I don't, I don't hate them. If you it's kind of like any business, if you really work on it, you can be super successful in it. But the majority of people are not. I did okay in it. But in the end, what it really taught me was it actually really taught me to bring me back to my businesses that I wanted to have full control over whatever my product or service is, you know, and in network marketing, you don't you're selling this product, but I have, I have no control over the price, how it's made, things like that. So when I started my business, I was like, Okay, this is this is me, this is fully in my control, I can make it what I want it to be. So that was an experience that like really brought me back to like, okay, that's what I want to do. I want my business and I want to do things my way. Yeah, yeah, I think that's, that's really interesting. You said, you're half asking I have, I have a little Funko Pop that I keep on my desk of Ron Swanson. And, quote of his that I really like is don't don't half ass two things whole last one thing. Yes. But I think that's, that's really interesting, because you are a very goal oriented person. And I know like, you've always been involved in sports, like you just posted this morning on Instagram, something about you know, playing softball, all through school, and, and even as an adult, and you were a personal trainer, and a coach, and you're doing all these things. And then you know, kind of realizing that you were like, not able to, to do everything to the full capacity you wanted to, instead of at that point, kind of figuring out the things that you're now encouraging your clients to deal with all you Mama, you just suddenly stopped everything. And so I wonder if some of that postpartum anxiety was, you know, obviously, a lot of the the specifics of your anxiety came about, like, what do I do with my kids, but I wonder if some of it also was like, just because you were not living your truth. Because your truth is that you have this like big, full, expansive life where you're doing a lot of things in and, you know, you want to be able to both raise kids that are gonna be able to change the world and change the world yourself. And I'll just get to that in a minute, too. But it seems like, you know, this is a theme a lot with a lot of people, it's like, we have to kind of know who we are, know what we want. And it seems like this was kind of all part of your journey to figuring that out. Right? Because even if you hadn't, I don't know if that was also the case, as a coach, where you were like, working within like some sort of like gym or program where you kind of had to to follow their, their course. But it seems like you know, kind of from taking that step back, you were at least able to figure out more like what it was that you want to do what it was that you do and don't like about about, you know, running these different types of businesses to kind of get you to where you're at with, with all you Mama. Yeah, I think I mean, I feel like all moms have an identity crisis at some point, because it is so quickly that your life changes, right. You know, like when you're pregnant and stuff, it's like you can imagine it and then all of a sudden, that baby comes here. And life is totally different. Like you, there's just no way you can take all the classes, you can talk to all the people, but there's just really no way to prepare for it. And it's funny, because I had totally forgotten about this until I even started my company. It's funny how like, things come back up. And like, you know, the world is all interconnected. But I actually so I grew up in my mom was a full time working mom. And most of the females I grew up around, were all full time working moms. And so I just assumed that's what I would do, because that's what I saw. That's what I grew up with. And in college, we had to write my freshman year, we had to write an argumentative paper. And my argument was actually on whether I wanted to be a stay at home mom or a working mom. And in the end, I wanted to be a stay at home mom, because I felt like I really wanted to be there for my kids. I wanted to go to all the sports games and I I just wanted to be there. And you know, it's like we kind of either mirror what our our parents did, or we want to go the way opposite end of the spectrum. And that's what I felt I wanted to do. And then when I was in that position, I was like wait, I don't know if this What I want to do Yeah, sometimes we have to experience it. I was talking to one of my friends about this recently, Laura actually, she's in the she's in the book club too, because she, you know, we were saying like, you know, we can't think our way into a solution or think our way entirely into what we want to be because yeah, like being a stay at home mom sounded great in theory. And then once you're in it, your body, like revolted, you know, you're it said no, and it created all this anxiety and and it just straight up just didn't work for you. So, yeah, that's a that's a great segue. Can you kind of speak to what you were saying before? I know this was a quote, or not a quote, I guess, I don't know what you want to call it a snippet from your podcast, Mama's daily dose, you said something like, I yeah, it man, you're gonna butcher you just go into a you know, I know, I know exactly what you're talking about. So I actually, I heard this quote, even before I had children, and I thought it was like, this really beautiful quote, it was something along the lines of, I may not be able to change the world, but I can raise kids that can. And I was like, okay, you know, what, like, maybe that is not my purpose on this earth is to change the world, maybe my purpose is to raise kids that will do that. And when I first started staying home with my son, it was like, okay, like, that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to pour myself into my child, and I'm going to do the best that I can to raise him. And he can go out and change the world. And I really, truly believe that for a while. And then I was like, dude, like, EFF that, like, if I raised the bar, right, if I can change the world, I've raised the bar. And now my children can change the world and raise the bar even more. And on top of that, like, they see, you can say all you want to kids, but it's really what you do. Right? So if my kids see me, like working hard, and trying to help people and and essentially change the world, then they're going to mimic that to you know, I was just like, that's not the way it is, it's not do what I say it's like, right, what I do. So let me be the example. And then I'm going to raise the bar for you. And then you go out there and you want to up me, essentially, yeah, I love that. And I think, you know, kind of kind of bringing everything back, you know, doing either by itself takes a lot, right, like changing the world Diem, leaving a significant mark on the world, or raising kids, you know, that that leaves the house with everything that they need to be able to do that themselves. Both of those are very big task, very big undertakings, and another former guest of the show, Marshall, whew, you know, he is doing a lot of different stuff, he's involved in a lot of activism, he's probably one of the busiest people that I know. And he talks so much about the importance of his self care routine, and his self care routine, you know, takes up, you know, hours every single day, you know, because he's going out into the world. And he's, he's, you know, he's giving a lot of his energy, he's receiving a lot of other people's energy, because he's on a stage and he's in front of the public a lot and stuff like that. And, you know, kind of going back to what you were saying earlier with, with your medication and stuff like that, and how all those things were kind of compounding, it's like, to be able to kind of do all of these things, it's like one, you have to know exactly what it is that you want to do, which, you know, you were kind of on your journey to figuring out and, and really landed on something that I think, you know, from everything that you're saying it sounds like it really hits like everything perfectly perfectly for you. This all you mama business, but it definitely also asks so much more of you than just, you know, raising your kids and and again, you know, all the power to anybody who raises kids at all. But to do more than that to quote unquote, want to have it all basically, you know, there are certain trade offs and want to you know, in some of that is, you know, really being mindful about that, about that time, you know, to take for yourself, and it's so early. I get where you're going. And I mean, like, I make sure that the end, the big thing that I tell every mom that I meet is wake up before your children, like yes, start the day off on your terms. And my biggest thing, especially when you have children is start small. Like I tell, I tell moms, I'm like wake up two minutes early. You know, just go take a couple sips of hot coffee by yourself. And you can slowly move that back like when I started You know, back in December, I was waking up five minutes before my kids. And that was it. And I've slowly moved it forward and forward, and I have my own routine, you know, like, I drink my coffee, I write down my goals, I meditate I journal, I need that time for myself to kind of Zen myself out, and get ready for the chaos of my kids the rest of the day. And I know a lot of moms that I've talked to, would wait until the evening time to get their me time. And by that time, you're drained and you have no patience throughout the day, like, a lot of times what I talked about is like, losing your shit on your kids, because that happens. Because all these little things compound and then all of a sudden, it's like, because you haven't taken that time for yourself, and you aren't caring for yourself, like you said, with your friend, like taking all that other energy in and giving energy. You know, that's what, like, kids like, you can't you can't blame them. my four year old does not know how to regulate his emotions, right? I'm, I'm still learning how to regulate my emotions. But never learned. Right? Yeah, I'm like just learning starting this year. So I'm only like, what six months in. So you know, so I have to be able to like distance, his emotions from mine, be there for him, but not take that into, which can be extremely, extremely difficult. And, you know, it's just an I mean, I have, I have an awesome support system. And that's what anybody needs, whether you're a mom or not I talk about this is coming up in my podcast, I think in it. And very soon, I talked about one of the best investments that I've made, is a regular babysitter. Yeah, I have a babysitter come every Monday afternoon. And just having that guaranteed time to myself, like I can work on my business, I can get stuff done around the house, I can just sit there. And like look at my phone, I could literally just sit there and stare at the wall for a while. But I have some guaranteed time to myself. And I feel like a lot of moms feel guilty about that taking, like taking time away from their kids. But what I think is more important than and if COVID and all that stuff is taught us everything is not the time that you spend with your kids. But the quality. I mean, that sounds so cliche, but it's true. Like I would rather spend five minutes uninterrupted with my kids put the phone in another room and focus on them, then sit in that room on my phone for an hour, I'm not really with them. Yeah. And that's so much of what we do not even just with our kids, but with other people in general. So if I get that time to recharge those two hours, then I am ready to put everything else away and focus back on my kids. So anytime that you can take for yourselves. And I know that not all moms are like in a situation where they can hire a babysitter. But there's so many ways you can get creative about it. Do you have friends? Do you have family nearby? Do you have another mom with kids that one week, you can take their kids and then the next week, they take your kids so you guys both get it, you know? So I just other than the waking up five minutes early, like seriously one of the best investments that I've made, and it's not just paying out money that is seriously an investment, that's an investment in yourself, to make yourself better and to keep yourself sane. And in all reality. Yeah. And I think that's such an important point that you touched on there. At the end, it's you know, you don't, it's not necessarily that you have to hire a babysitter as much as it is that you just need to figure out what that support looks like for for you. if if if you know if you're financially strapped or whatever the case may be. And I think in general, it's like being able to kind of think outside the box and think what do I need? Because I remember when I first saw on social media that you hire a babysitter once a week, I was like, Wow, I've I've never heard of that before. But that totally makes sense. Like I can see how just a few hours a week could make a huge difference. You know, and it's, I'm kind of blown away by how many similarities I'm seeing between, you know, the, the life of a mother and especially a new mother with younger kids, to you know, some of the experiences that I've had in my life or my friends have had in my life, you know, like that sudden change, where all of a sudden your life is completely different. Your identity is completely different, is something that I can actually relate to, from being transgender. And, you know, before you know, long before I transitioned, you know, I was this like super butch lesbian, and people could look at me and clock Me and Me As a member of the LGBT community, and it was like, almost overnight, that was removed, you know what I mean? And I was, you know, I found myself having to really kind of figure out who, who I am and who I want to be, you know, navigating this world as a man. And it does create a lot of that, like, sudden, you know, like, anxiety, and sometimes even depression, even though these are good things, you know, becoming a mother is this great, wonderful thing, being able to live your truth is this great, wonderful thing. And sometimes it still comes with with, you know, these mental health issues, just because change, change creates a lot of change, and change is scary, and change brings about a lot of unknown and makes us really have to face ourselves. And, and, again, he had the way that you talk about the importance of taking care of yourself in the morning, as opposed to at night, which, by the way, I'm sure as a mother at night, you know, you might have like a kid, that's all of a sudden sick or can't sleep or something, he knows, I feel like there's less of a guarantee that that time is even going to be available for you at night versus during the morning. And I just have like, no focus, but by the end of the day, it's like, my brain is just mush. Yeah, but then you're probably just like, you know, EFF it, I'm just gonna go to bed. And that, you know, and, and just sleeping isn't quite the same as having time to, like, really fill your cup. And, and again, you know, that was something that that Marshall and I talked about, and he told me about his, you know, wake and create, we're for the first two hours, his phones on airplane mode, and he's, you know, working on writing a song. And he's kind of inspired me to do the same thing like with my comedy and stuff. And it's so much easier to have that taken care of in the beginning of the day, because once everybody has kind of taken, you know, once I've given my energy to other people, I have so much less for myself. But if I start with giving energy to myself and filling up that cup, I have so much more energy and like you said, it's like that even the five minutes with your kids versus an hour is going to actually feel like so much more because you're fully engaged, versus being you know, disengaged, and just kind of going through the motions. I think that's really cool. I have a question that was so with the babysitter thing is this. Is this specifically supposed to be separate from any kind of like, date night with your partner? Yeah, so we have a babysitter or my mom. Luckily, my mom lives nearby to that comes and you know, we'll do date nights or actually so here's another mom hack here. So we don't do date nights anymore. Because you know what? Our kids go to sleep at seven so I'm like, why are we paying someone to sit at our house while our kids are asleep? So we go on like day dates we go at like 3pm so when my youngest son like wakes up from his nap the babysitter's they feed them dinner, they give him a bath, we come back, tuck them in for bed, and then what? And then we got some more time to ourselves. Yeah, that's brilliant. Again, there's that creativity again and figuring out what do I want? How can I How can I maximize this and then for the kids. I remember when I was a kid, it was so much fun when they were babysitters. You know, they were babysitters that I love so it's like it's exciting for them to it's not like it's not like you're like abandoning them or anything? Yeah, exactly. So that's it. So that's like my little bomb hack. And just we my husband, I like to try out like new things instead of just going out to eat for dinner. So during the day, you know, we tried, we went golfing, possibly done batting cages, things like that. We're also we're pretty athletic too. So we'd like those things too. Yeah, that's really cool. I love that. And I also love to like the Start small thing, because it can feel like a lot to actually kind of goes back to things changing quickly. You know, it's like, again, positive changes can also be overwhelming and to feel like, you know, oh my god, I have to wake up an hour before my kids. How am I going to do that? How am I going to do it feels almost impossible, but waking up just a couple minutes before, you know, listen to something, you know, read read a little snippet of something inspirational. Maybe listen to Mama's daily dose on your favorite podcast app. but preferably Apple you know, like there's just little little things that that can be done that it almost feels like hokey. When you when you when you're when you haven't done it yet. It's like two minutes really like outside. That's not going to make a difference. And it's it's really surprising. You said that you started waking up five minutes before your kids. And you started to feel the effects in less than a week. Yeah, I mean, five minutes. Anybody can do that anybody can start waking up five minutes earlier right now without having a major change in like their energy levels and things like that. And it is really cool to kind of see how those incremental steps kind of make a difference. And in the same way that you know, like social media has a way of pulling us in right like we go on to like, send a DM to our friend to confirm plans and then an hour later, you're like, why am I watching this reel of like a dog doing backflips? You know? Like, why was I even on here and you close the app and you haven't even sent the DM to your friend. And so you have to do it all over again later. And I think that the same thing can kind of happen, it's slower, right, because there's not like algorithms that are playing with how our brain works. But it does kind of work in the same way, where once you get really into a routine, because I actually do the same thing. I started waking up only, like, you know, 30 minutes extra, you know, and then it went to 45 minutes, and then an hour and so on. And now I'm like regularly waking up at like, 530 in the morning, even though I rarely have anything that starts before like 8am. And the reason why is because I got so into what I was doing, you know, at first it was just getting up to meditate, then it was getting up to meditate and journal, then it was getting up to meditate and journal and read. And then I got really hooked into reading. And now I'm like, I want to find and I am very intentional about what I'll read first thing in the morning, because I'll read a lot of stuff that, you know, kind of covers some some, like unhappier topics, you know, kind of going into darker moments in history and stuff like that. I don't read those first thing in the morning, you know, I'll read, I'll read stuff that makes me feel like inspired. I'll read you know, memoirs from athletes because I, I don't have a huge history of sports in my past, but I also feel like I really relate to the athletes mindset. So I love reading about athletes, I love reading stuff about you know, like spirituality and things like that anything that we're reading in Book Club, you know, I can, I can feel comfortable reading in the morning, because those are all personal development books. And it gets the point where it's almost like a switch happens. And I'm like, starting to feel like I don't even want to go on social media, I don't even want to spend an hour reading you just like there's a difference between staying informed and saying consumed with the news, right? You know, it's like, and I don't want to cross that line over into being consumed anymore. And it takes it takes a while, right? Because we there's all these ways that the dopamine gets released when we're on these apps. And and it takes a while to almost like wean off of that. But it is truly amazing. Like how how little it takes truly to be able to start that. Yeah, I've done I have a program that's five, five minutes to patient's presence and power. And that's exactly what it is. And I say, right in there, it's like, turn your alarm off, and then put your phone in a different room. You know, because as soon as you open it up like that, five minutes is gone. And then so what was the what was the point of that? Right? So being intentional with that time, kind of like, you know, with spending time with people, it's really about being more intentional than the actual amount of time on there. Because it can make the biggest difference in your life waking up five minutes early, and being intentional with that time. Or you can wake up five minutes early and you get sucked into Instagram, or whatever and then what was it worth it? You know, seeing the dog do a backflip? I don't think that's really going to change your life. Right exactly. And speaking of social media now that we've told everybody to leave social media let's talk about your social media. My Instagram I find your reels very funny you sometimes involve your kids you sometimes don't but they're they're usually you know I would almost call it like a real look into parenting right because you're you're showing like the the less than glamorous side but in a really fun, even comedic way. Like I'll say right here on the record I invited you to my to my stand up comedy class right now because I I truly think that you have like, Great comedic timing great comedic instincts and it comes out on your on your social media a lot. So I'm so curious as to like, what, what kind of inspired you to start doing that, like did you did you have experience doing creative stuff in in the past that you know, and this is kind of like a new outlet for you? Or did this kind of just come out of nowhere once you got on to social? Yeah, well, that's actually really funny because I never really considered myself like, a creative or artistic kind of person. I quit every instrument I tried. I I commissioned other people to do my art homework in high school. Like I was just like, you know, I'm, I'm like the sporty person. I'm just not like really a creative person, whatever, it's not me. And then I just started making these videos and I'm like, Oh my gosh, like this is really fun. And I'm like, oh, like this is my creative outlet. And you know, it's just it's a fun way for me to be creative and It really is. I had I had somebody asked me they're like, Where do you come up with all these ideas? And I was like, this, this is my life. Yeah. I was like, This is seriously my life, I just, I have a running tab on my phone, like a notes of just like, when ideas come to me, I was like, oh, that would make a great video that would make a great video. And so I just keep a list of them, and then go through and start making some videos. But essentially, it is my life. And I mean, I want to showcase that, you know, obviously, being a mother is like, really fun. Yeah, it's super difficult. And, you know, I'm extremely grateful for it. But I think there's been the stigma on, you know, you just, you have to be grateful that you have these children. You know, it could be tough, but you know, just gloss over that. And that can be, you know, that can like really tear a person down. Because then you feel alone, you're like, Oh, my gosh, is this supposed to be the way it is? And gaslighting? Yeah. Am I supposed to feel this way. And what I found in the almost four years that I've been a mother is like, moms do this to each other all the time. You know, like a lot of women that have older children or like come up to you and be like, oh, cherish these days, you're gonna miss them. And you're like, I haven't slept in days. Yeah, am I really gonna miss that? Exactly. And well, that's totally true. It is. And I get it, it also puts this pressure on moms to like, I have to enjoy every single second of motherhood. Because it is fleeting, right in, in the grand scheme of things, essentially, your kids are with you for 18 years, a friend of mine put it one way that she's like, She's like, I have 18 summers with my kids. And I want to make them worth it. And now that her kids are teenagers, she puts it like, I have three summers left with my kids. And you're like, wow, like that really isn't like, if you think about three summers, that's really not that long of a time. Not at all. But you know, it's okay to not like parts of motherhood, it's okay to say this is really crappy. And this is really hard. Because essentially, that's what makes the good times better to write. But I don't think we need to sit there and just forget about them, you know, we need to bring them to spotlight and the best way to be okay with it is to bring it out right shame like lives in the darkness. Yeah, I just talked about this on, I think on one of my podcasts, too, is that so I'm just if you look at my social media, I am a super open person. But with postpartum anxiety, I didn't say anything until, like 10 months, for 10 months, I didn't mention anything about postpartum anxiety. I had friends in real life that I talked to about it, but they were very, very few. And so I felt bad about it. I felt like it was something I had to hide. And then when I came out, and I brought it to light, it's like It Wasn't this heavy thing anymore. Yeah. So and I'm sure you can relate to that, too. I'm sure everyone has something like that, that they can relate to, that you held on to for so long, and didn't tell anybody. And as soon as you told somebody, it's like this huge release, that's like, okay, yeah, that really wasn't that bad. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, all of this kind of comes full circle again, right? Because, you know, your, your postpartum anxiety in a lot of ways was kind of the, the dark side or, or maybe we'll see a potential side effect of you being a very driven very goal oriented person. And, and I would say even, like, being used to probably having like, a degree of control over your life, that that motherhood took away on multiple levels, right, you know, and, you know, like, literally having less time in your day, and, you know, having, having, you know, these people that you know, you can only help them so much, and then they're kind of off on their own, you know, and, and so this kind of comes out, but overall, you know, being a very goal oriented person is a positive trait and a good trait. And it allows you to, you know, like, live this life that you love and, and be able to do both, you know, change the world and raise kids that are changing the world. And that's kind of the same thing here. You know, that kind of turned into the theme of all you mama is that, you know, yes, cherish these moments, but also, you know, acknowledge that it's not all rainbows and butterflies, and that there are hard times in that it's totally normal. This is totally human. And hey, you're not alone, and you're essentially paying forward. What that friend did for you. When she shared on Facebook about her postpartum anxiety before you even knew that it was a thing. I think that's, that's wonderful. And I have to say, when I shared about my postpartum anxiety, like, it was amazing, the amount of women that came out and said, like, Hey, I had experienced something like that, or I am experiencing something like this. And I would always direct people to a medical professional, but sometimes you just need someone to tell or you need someone to talk to about it. And someone who gets it and has been their personality. And that's what we need to do. And that's really what I wanted to create with all you mama is just like this place to share our experiences, and connect with one another because being a mom can be super, super isolating, even though you're surrounded by people all day. Yeah. And I, I would you know, I do like the mom things I go to storytime I'd go to the playdates and things like that. But I just didn't feel super connected to a lot of the people that I was around. And so I left and I felt isolated. After being with people all day, I'm still like, Why do I feel so alone? And I needed that deeper connection that deeper shared experiences, beyond just like, how my kid is pooping and sleeping. Right? You know, like, I wanted to talk about myself. Yeah, I like I haven't needed to, I have a name to like, it's not just Mom, you know, and you have a name too. I'm not just Anderson and Saxons mom, because that's what you end up being when you hang around a bunch of other kids. It's like Anderson's mom. Well, I'm no longer Megan. Yeah, and I just wanted to create that space for moms. Because especially when your kids are younger, it's just like, you can lose who you are. And it's okay. It's okay to lose who you are. But it's also okay to want to find out who you are, and to watch or create someone that you are outside of being a mom. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And you know, so if you're, if you're a mother out there, and you're listening to this, and any of this is striking a chord for you, you know, all you mama is a great resource. If you are not a mom, and you're still kind of recognizing you know that that need to, you're still feeling like you're not being heard or acknowledged for something that you're going through, you know, I really challenge you to figure out you know, what, what that part of you is, that's, that's aching and find those people who have been through the same thing, whether it has to do with your identity in relationship to your parents, or your job, or your gender, or, you know, whatever the case may be, you know, once you find those people and you're able to share in, you know, in a safe space where people get it, and can say, hey, me, too, you know that there's a lot of healing that can happen there. And from there, you know, whatever it is that you want to do with your life, it just becomes so much more feasible. Right? So, Megan, thank you so much for coming on. I think that's about all the time that we have. Do you have anything else that you'd be remiss if you if you didn't include this in there? I will say on what you just said, too, is it's like, you know, find your people find your place where you can share those experiences. And you know, what, if it doesn't exist, create it? Yeah, yes. And people, and people will come because that's how I felt there's a ton of mom groups out there, but not mom groups that focus on the moms. And so I'm like, Alright, well, let me create it. So if if you're yearning for something, and you don't find it, like, create it, and I promise you that people will come. Yes, 100% thank you so much for including that and that's true, you know, you did it. Another guest of the show, I'm not sure if she's going to be on before or after you but Valerie Phoenix, you know, did something very similar in the in the tech space, and creating a place for basically anybody that's not like a cisgender white man, you know, to be able to get both resources and community support to both get and stay in tech, you know, and so, there, there's absolutely a way to do that. And, you know, one thing that I like to it's, you know, these support groups, these meetings, these, these, these connections, it's anytime there's a gathering of two or more people, you know, it really can start with just you and a friend and grow from there. It doesn't have to be this big thing. Start small. As we as you said, right. I love that. Megan, thank you so much for coming on. This is a great conversation. I'm glad that the zoom Gods weren't too horrible to you got 1.0 It's okay. Like I said, my internet has been a nightmare too. Yeah, where? Where can people find you? Check me out. Check me out on Instagram at Meghan q Barrett. And that's Megan with an H. And then there's the links to everything through Instagram. And you can check out some of the videos to. Yeah, and definitely if you're if you're looking for, you know, just small, a small Daily Dose of Inspiration, you got your mama's daily dose podcast, too. Yes. So speaking on that, you know, starting off small. I mean, all moms are short on time. So I was like, how can I make this the most effective thing and I make daily two to three minute podcasts, focused on moms with young children, some inspiration, motivation, and then also just some humorous stories that all moms can relate to. So that's mom, his daily dose? Yeah, it's great. And I've listened to it, it definitely has, like I said, I think a lot of what you say a lot of your message, it's definitely you're definitely speaking to mothers, you know, so a lot of what you say, you know, you're always saying you like, like, we got this right, mamas, you know, like, probably not that exactly, but you're always addressing the mothers in the room. But, you know, the message behind it is always I think, very universal, maybe especially relevant to mothers, but, but definitely some some relevance to everybody. So anybody that's looking to just get, you know, a couple extra minutes, you know, would would probably get something out this podcast, definitely recommended and to speak again, to your goal setting. I mean, once I started this podcast, I had a bunch of friends asked me, you know, like, how do I start a podcast? What do I do, I gave them pretty much the exact same information that I gave you. You're so far the only person to execute on it, so you know, not edit. So it does take a lot of work. And it's really scary and all this stuff, you know, so this is absolutely in no way any shade to anybody else who asked me if any of y'all are listening, I'm just just to speak to you know, when you when you want to do something, you do it so I'm so I'm so happy for you that you were able to kind of figure out what was missing for your life and be able to create that for yourself and create that space with all you mama and be able to have that creative outlet to you know, it's it's really cool. Yeah, and I thank you for all your help, because I was crazy overwhelmed. And I was just like, feeling like it shouldn't be this difficult. Leo's gotta know what's up. He'll help me out. Yeah, I'm happy to help. You know, we're definitely in community together. And and I I'm always happy to help. So yeah, thank you. Thank you so much. And I will talk to you later. Thanks. All right, once again, that was Megan q Barrett. And once again, happy birthday, Megan, I have a feeling that you're going to listen to this on the day that it comes out because we had such a good conversation. And I know, I was really looking forward to listening to it again, while editing. And honestly, I want to be a little bit real with y'all. I think it's amazing how the timing of this worked out. You know, we talked about major lifestyle changes and how they can affect us and the anxiety that can come from them. You know, I plan these releases weeks and weeks in advance. And I had no idea at the time that this would be the first episode I edited in my new apartment, fresh off of a breakup. So yeah, I have a lot of changes going on in my life, my anxiety has been high. But you know, listening to this, I feel like I've been reminded, you know, just take care of myself because, you know, I don't want something that is normally a strength to kind of turn into something that's going to tear me down. And I think the more that we're kind of aware of of who we are, and what our strengths are and what our weaknesses are, you know, the the easier it is to get ahead of those things. So again, thank you, Megan, and thank you all for listening. I'm so happy to have you all along for this journey. Have a great, great week. Stay evolving.