The Leo Yockey Show

Connecting to Your Ancestors While Biracial (Stephanie Solis)

November 23, 2021 Leo Yockey / Stephanie Solis Season 2 Episode 8
The Leo Yockey Show
Connecting to Your Ancestors While Biracial (Stephanie Solis)
Show Notes Transcript

Leo invites his close friend Stephanie Solis to discuss “witchy” things. Stephanie shares how she discovered that meditation was a personal strength, the challenges and rewards of connecting to ancestors as a biracial person, and the difference between reading about spiritual concepts and actually trying them.

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By: Leo Yockey

Test test test seeing how loud the dishwasher is compared to me on the microphone test, test test. Oh, and there was Raja. Hey, Raja, what's going on buddy? Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Leo Yockey Show, the show where I Leo Yockey get interrupted by my cat as he walks across the desk and right in front of the microphone, and you probably heard him brushed into it. It's also where I interview guests about the universal truths in their unique life paths. Roger, get your butt out of my face. How are we doing today? It is Man, I wish I was video recording right now Raj, get your butt out of my face. Anyway, this is probably not interesting to you, because podcasting is an audio medium. Oh, he's hitting his tail on the microphone. Now I might have to re record this. This is a disaster. Anyway, this is perfect, though, because my guest today is also a cat parent. Not that we talk about that at all. But you know, in the spirit of Russia, stop it. In the spirit of cat parenthood, and all that it is I might try to keep this in if if the audio quality isn't too bad. Anyway, last episode with Criss Angel Murphy, we talked a little bit about, you know, connecting with some of our ancestors and what that process looks like for us. And I'm really excited that this episode is coming out immediately after that, because we do a much deeper dive into all that today, with my very good personal friend, Stephanie solace. She is amazing. She's biracial, like me, she's half Filipino. And she has spent a lot of time as of late really trying to connect with those Filipino ancestors. And I really admired watching that progress, because she shared a lot of it, both privately and on social media, I got a link to her social media in the show notes. I really enjoyed this conversation. And I think you will, too. We're gonna be talking a lot about the importance of just trying things, and seeing where things go. And just figuring kind of kind of just figuring things out as you go. Whether it's meditation, you know, getting in touch with your spirituality, or your ancestors, or really any other aspect of your life. That is such an important lesson. And I'm so glad that Stephanie really drills at home in this episode. The other day, I had, I had like those featured photos come up on my phone of like memories and stuff like that. And I found a bunch of pictures and videos that I took at my local park back in March. And I was recording videos trying to promote this podcast and announced that I was starting it. And oh my god, y'all I had no idea what I was trying to do. I had no idea what I was saying. It was a disaster. I clearly didn't have a strong vision yet for the podcast. I wasn't comfortable. You know, being on camera and talking in the park in public where strangers might see me and it was a mess. But without getting out there and starting that step. There's no way that the podcast and my Tik Tok and all of that stuff would be where it is today. Speaking of Tik Tok, Stephanie and I are both on Tik Tok. You should find us there. Yeah, like I said, Stephanie is great. I really enjoyed the conversation that we had on the record. It's, you know, reminiscent of the types of conversations that we have in real life. So just continuing on with the theme of letting on be a fly on the wall. And yeah, without further ado, here is Stephanie solace. All right, we are finally recording. How's it going? Stephanie? Awesome. How are you? I'm good. I am so much better now that we've had, honestly, more than a podcast interviews, length of a conversation before the interview, all stuff that will never be on the record for the podcast. So thank you so much. This is this is why I bring my real friends on to the podcast and not just random people from my network. That's awesome. That's good to hear. Yeah, peek behind the curtain for the listeners. If it wasn't clear, we've been talking for like 15 minutes already. So Stephanie is one of the real ones. One of my friends from IRL as the kids say, do they say that? Um, I think so. If you're a youth and you're listening to this, let me know if you say IRL, in a sentence, or if I just made myself sound old. Anyway, we actually did a practice interview you and I, before I started the show way back in like April or something like that, we had a great interview, I realized after the fact actually don't think I told you this, that the audio was all spliced together. So instead of having separate audio files for each of us, it was all together. And if it wasn't for that, I might have actually released it because we had this great conversation about you going back to school to learn machine learning, AI, artificial intelligence, yeah, artificial intelligence. And you know, kind of your journey of like being a woman in tech and what all that's been like, and it's, it was really cool. And now, in season two, and however, many months later, I didn't bring you on to talk about any of this, make a Patreon, how people pay extra, and they can hear more of my wonderful fucking boys. I love it. I love that you just fully invited yourself out. You're like, not only are you gonna make paid content, but I will be part of that content. No, I mean, to release the old wine. Yeah, yeah, I feel like, yeah, that's that's that past that abundance mindset. As they say, in the anyway, I think I'm going to put something in as a preface in the intro, explaining how we ended up in that in that book club thing together so that people kind of understand. So after we did that, that book club, and we kind of learned about Cymatics. And what that means to explore our relationship with our body and trauma, specifically, from the perspective of being a person of color. I don't know if you were already on this path, beforehand. But definitely afterwards, it seems like you really did a deep dive into exploring your Filipino side, and you you know, are also a biracial, half white person like me. And I also in that book club felt really inspired by the idea of kind of exploring my Tanzanian side and connecting with those ancestors. And I just kind of just with all the other things going on, I never really did it. And you did. So I love that. And I want to just kind of talk more about like, what that experience has been like for you. So I guess before anything else, like was that something that you were already exploring before we did that book club back in like January or February of this year? Yeah. So I had been actually doing another book club in tandem. And that one is over 12 months. So I'm actually still in that book club right now. And I had always been sort of interested in reconnecting to my Filipino roots. Um, I feel like I'd been doing a lot of work up until then I like, you know, I'd always be like, Oh, I'm feel I'm half Filipino. And I really want to connect to like those roots and, and, and learn what it was like, like pre colonization, you know, what are the practices? What's in my blood? And I'm, like, never talked to my dad. The Filipino one. So it's like, how am I How am I like glorifying Filipino identity, when I'm not even talking to the Filipino people in my life. And so that was sort of one of the big steps was calling him and being like, Hey, I kind of killed off our relationship, that's my bad, and just owning up to my side of it, and giving him the space to either be like, Yeah, that's cool, or to own up to his side of it. And he did on up to his side. But I didn't meet him too. And so that was sort of one of the first steps really. And that was, I guess, a couple years ago now. And so when we did this book club, I was like, Okay, perfect. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I need a structure. I need a group of people. I need like, especially people to talk through stuff with. And so one of the things I really discovered through this book club was how valuable meditation is for me, and guided meditation. Because one of the things that I'm finding out now in sort of like, my, my witchy community, too, is that everyone has their own strengths. And I realized one of my strengths really is meditation. And so it was these guided meditations in that book that were like, okay, sit down for 10 minutes, and just call an ancestor to you. And I was like, quick, can you can you explain what you mean, when you say meditation is a strength for you? Yeah, I am a really visual person and I have a really strangely spatial memory. And so even just it like my Coven had a guided meditation a couple days ago. Now, um, last week sometime, and, you know, she was like, Okay, imagine that there's a ball of light in front of you. And that was like the one sentence right that we started off with, imagine there's a ball of light in front of you about two feet away. And I from saying that, it's like okay, if I tell you imagine, close your I imagine there's a ball of light, two feet in front of you, what do you see? It's like I'm on a beach. The coast is to my left, there's palm trees in front of me. Like, I can feel the warmth. I can hear the birds. Like, there. It's vivid as fuck. And I was like, I didn't realize this was a strength until we went one by one. And said what we saw? Yeah. And I was like, you know that? Yeah. And I was like, why? Weird, and they're like, Bitch, everything about witchcraft is weird. Yeah. Like, it's weird. It's good. Like, like, if that's if that's out of the ordinary, that's amazing. And so, in the book, there was a guided meditation. Well, somewhat guided, you know, you read it. And it was like, close your eyes for like, 10 or so minutes and try to connect to an ancestor. And all like, no one comment to me like, What? Nothing, nothing like this has ever happened before. Like, I don't know, man. But I was like, let's try it. So I, you know, read the thing. Close my eyes, set a timer for 10 minutes, you know, and I had an ancestor come to me. And it was like the grassy lowlands of the Philippines. Like, like I said, there was a height to the west, there was a like, river running through it. I could, I could, I could paint if I could paint. I could paint it for you. But I can't paint so. There's that. But, uh, but yeah, I mean, it was an entire fucking scene. And, and there were just messages from her that like, I didn't create them. And they just landed in my head. And, and first, she showed herself to me as like a Filipino like, tattooed warrior. And then she showed herself to me as just like, an old woman who was like, straight chill, and like, she was just harvesting shit and just chillin. And she was like, she was like, Look, don't what was the word? Like, don't glamorize my life. You know, like, this isn't the goal. Like, the goal is like abundance basically, like, don't, what's the word I'm looking for? It's gonna fucking bug me now. But yeah, like don't like glorify, glorify, yeah, like, don't glorify my life, like, like, I worked. And your other ancestors worked, so that you didn't have to work so hard. You know, like, love that it was hard back back then. Like, you know, like, we want you to live the easy fucking life that you have right now. Like, we all did that, so that you could, you know, and so, um, I like kept wanting to spend more time with her and my stomach growled, and she was just like, child, go eat. Do it. And she just laughed. And, and my sister had actually sent me a tarot deck that someone had had designed like a Filipino person had designed and it was all in Tagalog. I don't speak Tagalog. And so I was just when she sent it, I was like, Oh, my God, this is so beautiful. I was just going through the cards, looking at all the imagery, like trying to connect with the pictures. And I got to one and I just hear a voice in my ear, say, take that one. That's me. And then I hear another voice at the next card that says take that one too. And the card was I'm gonna I'm gonna butcher this If anyone speaks Tagalog, I'm sorry. Come for me on Twitter, or whatever. But it was Nakata. Tonda Rakatan. Which is, I think it was ancestor. She had me take ancestor, and she had me take elder and I read the descriptions. And I was like, Dude, what the fuck? Like, I don't I don't speak to Golic. So I had no idea that like, that's what those cards were. And like, ever since then, like that deck is hers. And, like, one of the things I've been thinking about a lot is like, you know, you can read all the books that you want. You can like learn as much as you want about witchcraft, about personal development, about project management about whatever fucking topic right about how to be an anti racist. But it's easier said than done. Right? And it's easier said than done. It's easy to read it, right? But it takes the fucking work. It takes setting the timer for 10 minutes, I'd be like, I don't think I'm gonna fuckin see anything. And to try it and see what works for you. That's such a good point. And I really I really like how you how you frame that? Because I think that it's almost like, I think almost like hearing you talk about this. It's it's almost it's easy for me, I think, to tap into my white ancestry because they're very tangible. I know them. I think you've seen the wall I have of all the pictures of all my white ancestors. And I know a lot of their stories. And there's a lot of complicated stuff in there, right because it's baked into some of the not so great Parts of American history. But there's also examples of unbelievable resilience in some of these stories, too. And so you know, but there's spaces, there's names, I had relationships with some of these people, you know, because they were around, you know, they didn't die until, you know, after I was born or whatever. But I think that when it comes to like, my Tanzania inside, it feels almost like, I'm like, I literally don't know, what I'm doing is is almost like embarrassing. I'm like, I don't even know who like I can't picture a face or anything. And you're right, it's like, you just, you just did it. And I think it's, I really appreciate how you how you put that like meditation being a strength and visualization, because that is not something that I can relate to the way that you described, like how you can visualize things like that. And I think I'm actually thinking back a little bit to bring up a white person, but I'm thinking back a little bit to the interview I did with Shannon, hey, when they said that, you know, you kind of have to learn how to express yourself as an artist, like, Are you a visual? Express? Or are you do you express yourself with words, you know, and I receiving? I'm thinking is the same way, you know, because they were talking about how you communicate out. But I think how you communicate in is also you might be a visual receiver messages, which just sounds like you are, and that might not be the case for everybody. Exactly. And it's like everyone has their own strengths. And, and you I mean, this, this current book that I'm working through is called standing and not falling by Lee Morgan. And each chapter, it's like you, you focus for an entire month on something. And so one of the one of the months was a witches body. It's like, what are the, you know, ancient signals that our bodies give us? That we've tuned out? You know, there's so many like, myths and tales about like, Oh, if you're, you know, right, ears ringing, someone's talking good about you. If your left ear is ringing, someone's talking shit about you, right? If Your Tongue itches that Miss, if your hand itches, then like money, like all of this shit, and it's like, maybe it means something, right? Like, who am I to question? Literal decades, millennia worth of human intelligence? Right, like human messages if people used to know how to listen to their bodies before, like, maybe it just takes me believing that for my body then to start sending me these messages. You know, maybe it's bullshit, right? Maybe it's all bullshit. But if I start to believe that if my writing a hand itches, it means money, maybe there's something else that will change in my life that makes that come true. And I think like, one of the things I really wanted to talk about was belief, because I feel like there's probably already people listening to this that are like, that's fucking bullshit, right? And it's like, Look, I'm not here to protect you. I don't need to convince anyone. But like, that's my thing is that like, once I started? Like, I hate this phrase, like my witchy journey. But like, basically, that once I started, like, looking into it, and being more open minded and not being such a, like, angry atheist, I was like, what? Like, what does it cost me to not believe people when they tell me their stories? You know, if someone tells me that they saw a UFO, when they were like, 12? What do I gain from being like, well, what if it was this? And what if it was that, like, I gained nothing from questioning them? But I might have ego growing? Yeah, exactly. Believe your own voice in your head over literally anything else and are open to other things. Yeah. And I might lose their trust, I might lose more interesting stories that they could tell me in the future. You know, I might lose, like, life being a little more interesting. And so I don't know when people tell me so tell me their ghost stories. I fucking believe it. There's no reason for me not to, you know, and it's funny that I say that because it's like, half the time. I don't believe my own shit. You know, like, I'm like, if it's not there with me, like, is he? I don't know, man. Like, maybe she is. Maybe she's a figment of my imagination. But she's also someone who like really helps me psychologically through things. And if that's just a version of myself, somewhere hidden deep down that I got access to, like, that's cool. It's fucked, too. You know, whether it really truly is an actual ancestor that I could like, find and pin down and get a picture of like, is almost irrelevant. Yeah, and to some degree, it's like, well, how deep down these rabbit holes do you want to go? Right? Because when you're saying, you know, is this actually my ancestor? Or am I just tapping into a part of myself? Well, what are you talking about when you say self because if you really want to get down into it, I mean, we can we can talk about even on a biological level. You know, your ancestor is literally a part of your physical body, because what is our DNA, our DNA is passed down from our parents most recently, but all of our ancestors, like all of that, if someone in our family in our, in our ancestry, I should say, went through some sort of trauma that literally changes their DNA. And that gets passed down to their, to their offspring. I mean, so it's almost like it's all one of the same, right? Like, if, if, is this just a part of me? Or is this my ancestor? It's like, well, where does one and and the other weekend, you know? Yeah, I mean, yeah, and that'll weird with. That's one of the things I've been thinking about a lot, too, because it's like, you know, there's the white grandma, and there's the Filipino grandma. And I, I hosted what's called a dumb Supper, where I literally invited dead ancestors over for dinner one night. And, and this is where the meditation really came in, like, sat down at the table. And I was like, What the fuck do I do? Like, I sent out the invitation. I like burned these pedals. I like invited everyone. And I like set the table. I had all the chairs, and I sat down and I was like, What do I do? I was like, Okay, well, I'll just close. I'll just do what I know. And I'll close my eyes. And I'll pretend everyone's here. And I introduced everyone to each other. And part of me was like, have my grandmother's ever even met it? Like, I don't they both lived in Chicago. Like, they might have. I don't know. And another part of me was like, that almost doesn't matter. Because they have met in my body. Yeah, in my DNA they've met. Dan, Damn, dude, I love that. You're totally right. Yeah. Cuz you know what, man? I'm trying not to like give things this like preface, but I feel like I have to this time. Okay, so this might sound crazy. But I have thought about, again, going back to that complication of being biracial. And you know, for example, my my grandfather, I think this might have actually already come up in a different episode. But my grandfather for a while, disowned my mom for marrying a black man. And my understanding is that he came around and by the time he died, he was, you know, a loving grandfather, all that stuff. But he definitely had these issues that he had to work through. And I have really felt and you know, for me, it's not very visual at all. It's almost more like almost feeling like I'm overhearing a conversation of someone in the room. But I've really felt that like, somehow through me, and through my existence, some of these white ancestors have learned things that they just did not have access to learn by nature of being white and of the era that they're from, you know, because it's like, was my grandfather racist? Or was he a white man born in 1922? You know what I mean? Like, Yeah, cuz racism is taught, like, you know, it's like, did he literally even have an opportunity to know better? And it seems like when he did, he did do better, like once? He Yeah, he disowned my mom for marrying a black man. But once it was, like, Hey, dummy, like, this is going to be your grandchild. Like, it kind of all melted away, you know what I mean? Because he wanted to meet his grandchild. It wasn't me, it was my brother. I wasn't I that, that broke, you know, that changed all of this, you know, whatever, shout out to my older brother, but, you know, but still, seriously, I was like, I really feel like, you know, through being able to follow my life path and to see that into experience that in me around me, however, you want to look at that, whether they're watching me from heaven, or literally in you know, my heart and my soul. It's allowing them to to learn those those lessons. And I and I really, and and that's again, where you're just like, is this just in my head? Because I'm like, is this truth? Or is this just what I need to hear? Like, what would make me feel better as a black man in America with white ancestors who benefited from white supremacy in a very obvious way? Yeah, yeah. That yeah, that that made me think about my, my white grandfather as well, because, I mean, he he like marched with Neo Nazis in Chicago to keep like black people out of his neighborhood. And that's like, fucking disgusting to me. And so the thought that my, like anti racist journey could also represent like, atonement for him. Not atonement because he doesn't deserve atonement, but like learning like he just needed a fuck Learn, you know that that can represent his learning too. And his growth? Like, that's really cool to me. Yeah, like that. I mean, he was born Apple though, but if he can be less of an asshole in my body then in my blood, that's so be it. Yeah, cuz again, it's it's it's, you know breaking the cycle and we don't know, again, you know kind of going back to what people what people get passed down I mean that is that is something that I mean, I am not even an authority to be speaking on this right but you know, it's like but I also understand that that from a scientific level that research is very new, you know, this is a very new thing that we're learning about how trauma can get passed down how these experiences can get passed down. So you're right, it's like we don't, we don't know. Like, what could it because at the end of the day, like you had a choice, we all as biracial people kind of have a choice. And it's like really frustrating, at least for me to always feel like I have to almost like, pick a side, right? You know, it's like, am I black? Or am I white? And it's like, well, to really just fully identify with one without the other is an incomplete picture. And I'm, you know, it's not this binary thing for me. But that all, you know, all that being said, there is a little bit of a degree of choice. And I really could have said, you know, oh, well, to hell with the white devil, like, you know, black power all the way and almost like, try to deny that that's a part of my history. And on the flip side, I could say, like, well, racism is over, obviously, look at me, and just completely ignore the fact that, you know, and you know, that, that I do have privileges working in my favor, and just being like, well, if any black people are suffering, they must be stupid or lazy, you know, like I had, that I do have that choice, as as uncomfortable is sometimes talked about, it's like, I do have that choice, it's like, I could completely abandon one side, and act like, you know, this isn't a part of my history, or I could really face both of those sides and really face the complexity of what it means to have both of these things within me and really understanding like how to move forward with it with a self definition that honors both sides, kind of does whatever atonement needs to happen on either side, if there's, if it needs to happen on one side more than the other, you know, just that, that's neither here nor there. But really understanding that because at the end of the day, we could make the choice to not and to just have that those unresolved issues, you know, pass on to future generations, you know, and even if we don't have kids, you know, it's still passed on through like nieces and nephews and other people who might have similar backgrounds as us who are from the younger generation that we are in a position to be able to influence you know, yeah, absolutely. I love that. So, how did it so what so what is this book club Exactly? Like how this year long one like, what, what is it? What are you doing? So? Yeah, it's through a Patreon that my friend had told me about. Her name is naam Ka. And, and I don't know, we could put it in the notes or whatever. So that's for sure. Yeah. But um, yeah, so she had she had picked this book, and it's, it's called standing and not falling by Lee Morgan. And it's over I think it's 13 minutes 12 minutes. And so each chapter you read the chapter and you do the practice for a month long. And so you know, like I said, the witches body that chapter was about connecting with your body and just over the next month, you know, notice when your earrings notice when your hand itches, notice you know when when you get the chills, right, and and what are those seem to mean, what are those culturally mean for you? What are those culturally mean and other cultures? And it actually actually ended up being like, a really cool coincidence because I also listened to this podcast called The Stoop fuckin amazing. And that mind that episode was about signals in the body. And I was like, Oh, shit, I need to get my notebook out. Like writing down all the things too that they were saying like, Oh, the right hand itches. That means I think it was like money's going out. The left hand itches. It means money's coming in. It might have been the opposite direction but it's like whichever one is the Yin is like his stuff coming in. And the young his his stuff coming out. I don't know about that shit. But but it was just like, you know, knowing what things mean in my body and it made so much sense But that one happened before the chapter on done supper, which is, you know, where I hosted invited the dead people to my family, because there were moments where like, my body would just do things. And I was like, This is a message. So I was just sitting there eyes closed, it's like midnight, and I'm going around the table inviting or, you know, introducing people one by one welcoming them. And one of what the chapter had also said, like, invite anyone who you think is culturally significant, like it doesn't have to be just relatives. It could be people who have passed away who you think were important for your family? So I invited lapu lapu, who was the Filipino warrior who murdered Ferdinand Magellan? I was like, Fuck, yeah, anti colonialist. Let's bring this motherfucker in. But I was also like, okay, the dinner party, he doesn't know who the fuck I am. He doesn't know who the fuck my family is. So I gave him a plus one. I was like, that's, you know, dinner party. So I like had a polite thing to do. Exactly. He was like, he doesn't know anyway, you know. So I read out the invitations, actually on like, rose petals, and then I burnt them. Nice. And I just like made all this shit up. I was like, I don't know what you're normally supposed to do. But who gives a fuck? Let's let's let's figure it out. And and when he showed up, you know, I'm just sitting here meditating this whole thing. I'm just visualizing it. I don't know if it's true. Or if it's not, it doesn't matter. That's not the point. You brought, Esteban Soliz? Who based off of my last name you might be able to guess is the conquistador in my family line from Spain. Wow. And I was like, you fucking trickster. And he was like, I don't know what to tell you afterwards tell you ship different in the afterlife. And I was like, Okay, what? Do you start to learn some lessons on the other side? I guess so. So, so I'm introducing people one by one, I introduced my grandma who had just recently passed to Nicaragua. Tonda. The ancestor I told you, like, you know, I had visited during a meditation. And I got this, like, warm in my body, like, like, it was familiar. And I was like, Okay, this was probably her mom or her grandma. Like from that feeling? Like, they were just, they were just familiar. And then when I introduced I was like, Look, alright, well, we'll see. I introduced my grandma to Esteban police. And I got a massive fucking shiver throughout my whole body. And I was like, bro, you gotta go. I literally walked to the door and opened it. And that was like, you're leaving? Wow. Yeah. I was just like, Get this man away from me. Like, yeah, it's with us. Yeah, exactly. I think it was like, You're not ready to face this yet. Wow. You know, like, you're not ready for these conversations you've got he's got to go. Yeah, it's not time for that yet. Yeah. And so it's like, whether that was my body telling me that my brain telling you that my grandma telling you that who fucking knows. But it was like, it was a message enough for me to be like, I gotta go. And another one is I was like, I need to stop glorifying people, you know? Yeah. I feel that big time. Yeah. And so every chapter, it's like, you focus on a new thing. And through that, too, I feel like, it's, it's been a really good access for me to figure out what my strengths are. You know, it's like, she provided like, guided meditations for some of the chapters too. And so I was like, Oh, these are strong as fuck. Hmm. And so it's yeah, like, like, you're able to just explore each different topic and see, like, what really speaks to you? And what really makes a difference? Yeah, which is so cool. So we're there have there been things in in certain months where you're just like, Man, I didn't really get that much out of that. Probably won't be something I'm moving. I'm using moving forward. This last chapter was sex magic. I was like, Oh, let's see what's going on in the SEC project. And the entire chapter was like, imagine, imagine just humor me. Imagine if the gender binary didn't exist. And I was like, brown like how they're like, weird. Like, you know, really question like, the gods who we say are like, one gender or the or the other could be neither. They could be beyond gender. They could be the opposite gender, whatever. And I was like, cool, bro. Yeah, I questioned gender every fucking day. And so yeah, I feel like, um, because it was it was kind of a very intimate topic. Of course, as you know, sex. There weren't as many like guided things. And like, tips for you to do. I know that there are things where people like will masturbate and they'll try to manifest something as their masturbating or like, as you orgasm you envision, you know something, or you charge a sigil? Or whatever it is. But yeah, I've never really done that. Um, I mean, you could just be like going at it and be like, oh maybe it's easier said than done. Maybe I just need to try it. Think about it. I added to my to do list. That's very interesting. But the this book didn't really go into that, like you, you know about that kind of stuff from like, other aspects of the book did go into, into that piece of sex. He kind of mentioned a little bit, like, harnessing the power to do things. But But yeah, there weren't like a lot of really specific like, you know, now on Tuesday, masturbate, like, think about abundance. And then like on Thursday, talk to your partner about like, XYZ and then see if you want to do it, it's like, um, but there was still conversation, at least to be like, you know, what is consent look like in this situation? Like, if, like, Am I allowed to use my orgasm for whatever I want? If this was a partner interaction, you know, like, should I tell my partner that I'm interested in doing magic while we're having sex? You know, like, because consent is really important. And so if they if, what if I'm like having sex with my partner like Hexing someone they love, you know, like, I don't think that that's something they would approve of. Very good point. Wow. I've never thought of I never I never thought of that. But that's a very good point. I mean, and it also makes me think of like consent in the house, too, right? If I'm, I told Aaron, I told my husband about the dumb supper, like, before I did. I was like, Hey, I'm gonna do this thing. I'm gonna invite spirits and like, he lives here, too. You know, he was like, I'm gonna go away that night. I think that's actually the day he visited. But yeah, he was very insistent on visiting me, which seemed weird, because peek behind the curtain. We live a little distance apart. And I usually come to you. And I was like, you want to drive in LA traffic to see me? Something's going on at home. You're like, are you with Stephanie? Okay. I literally asked him that. He told us on our witchy chat. I did love his tweet after you did something. And he tweeted something about like my wife. Yeah, my wife had a dinner for all these spirits. And somehow I got stuck doing the dishes. Shout out to Aaron. He's so great. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's really cool, though. So it sounds like you're in a group that is this, like, was this specifically a group with other Filipino people? Or is just people from from varying backgrounds? No. So this group is mostly polish, which is my mom's grandma. Um, so it's, it's funny because I, I'm so strangely racially ambiguous where like, if you put me in a group of Mexican people, I am Mexican. If you put me in a group of Filipino people, I'm Filipino. You put me in a group of like mainlander Asians, I am a mainland or Asian. And I realized on this chat, too, if you put me in a whole group of Polish women, I am Polish. Interesting. I would wait, I look back to the app. But yeah, so it's mostly Polish women. And I've been trying to find like a Filipino, witchcraft, Patreon. And I haven't found anything. Um, or at least like a group, I know that there is a center I think, based out of LA don't quote me on that, called the Babylon center. And they'll actually partner, um, you know, people from the Filipino diaspora with people who have lived in the Philippines, to like, learn more about your culture. And so I've been meaning to do that. But you know, me and my fuckin ADHD, like, I just do too, too many things, and I it just ends up not getting prioritized. And I'm, I feel like a dig for it. Yeah, well, I think there's definitely something to be said too, about in taking all this in not doing too much too fast too soon. Because I've definitely been guilty of that, you know, in different areas of my life. And I'm like, I've taken on so much change at once that like, once I see that it's, it's having an effect. I'm like, I don't even know what what caused it. So I guess I have to do all of it. Because I don't want to drop any of these plates that I have spinning because yeah, I don't know which one is actually the one creating positive change, you know? Yeah, I totally I totally feel you on that. That's really cool, though. But I think too, you know, just the fact that the fact that this is a Polish group and not a Filipino group, which that was not what I expected you to say. But I love it. You know, the fact that this is not a Filipino group. And yet, it's helping you kind of tap into your Filipino ancestry, I think that that just goes to show, again, that it's like, you bring us back to what you said in the beginning, it's like, you just have to try things. And you have to kind of get in tune with your own body. Because at the end of the day, you know, whether it's a external connection, or just something external or something inside of us, or whatever, you know, all we really kind of need is that like, safe space to really explore that. And whatever is true for us as individuals is his is going to come out and I'm sure it will be like a much greater, deeper experience to be able to explore that with Filipino people. But I think I think I'm saying as Martin myself that, you know, do you and maybe, I guess to the listeners, but it's like, you know, you're trying to, if you feel that pool to look into like a spiritual practice, like not being able to find your people because like, in my case, I mean, gosh, you're having a hard time finding a Filipino group, like good fucking luck to me finding a Tanzanian group like, oh, my god, yeah, there's hardly any of us out here, you know. So it's like, I that that's a good excuse to not start. It's like, just just like your body. There's some something in you something deep in your soul is going to know what to do and be able to pick up and put down things that do and don't work like sex magic. Yeah. And I think I think to what what I'm like discounting is I totally have like, two Filipino women in my fucking coven. And part of part of it is, like, just imposter syndrome. Like, I'm so worried that I'm like, I'm such a fucking noob. And I'm such an idiot, and I have such stupid fucking question. Like, I don't even know how it's like in the Philippines, and they, like were born there, you know, and I'm just like, they're gonna think I'm an idiot. And I know in my head, they're not gonna think I'm an idiot. Like, they, they're fucking great. They're amazing. Like, fuckin shout out to both of them if they listen to this. Yeah, and I think it's just like, like, we got to let go of the imposter syndrome man. But also, I think like, like, think about the plus side of being biracial to like, like, the fact that I have so many pantheons like, available to me, you know, like, I can learn as much as I can about, like, the Filipino, like, pre colonial gods. And I can learn about like, fucking Irish Fae, like shit, I can learn about all of this polish stuff from like, the Patreon that I'm a part of, like, there are so many other frameworks, that, that humans that cultures have built, that I have access to in my body. And to learn about and to, to leverage, really, it's just like, these, these are all systems that people built to figure out life. Yeah, you know, and it's like, Who the fuck am I to question any of those? to question the existence of any of these things? Like, like meat? Like, how righteous do you have to be to be like, No, but I have the answer. I have the answer. faqeer 40,000 years of existence. I have the fucking meat. I'm so special. And it's like, I used to think that yeah, and it's like, Who Who fucking knows? Like, there is so much wonder in this world. And if you're not down to like, just look at the beauty and the wonder of like, all of this crazy shit that humans have made. Like, I must be so boring. I couldn't agree more. And gosh, what a what a great note to end on. being biracial is a gift. Hell yeah. By racial representation. That's what this episode is all about. And Stephanie, do you have anything else that you would like to add that you feel like you'd be remiss? Oh, if we left it out, but believe people believe people? Yeah. Yeah, like when people tell you their fucking ghost stories, when people tell you their UFO stories, when people tell you that they can fake an astral project. Believe them, maybe not if they tell you they're an indigo child. That's just like white people. Their excuse to like label their autistic children as indigo children instead of just being real. And they're just ablest assholes, but yeah, I mean, other than that other than you know white people who have stolen culture and stolen witchcraft and you know whatever Yeah, believe people that's sorry. Anyone who's not white gonna get real mad at me but what you know, listen to some like people beliefs on white people, but you know, believe people who are speaking their truth and just talk From your ego, you know the soul the soul recognizes what's real. I think I just finished watching the circle. So real recognize real. Alright, well on that note, geez where we talk about witchcraft being biracial, and the latest Netflix reality series, if you want all this and more, Stephanie, where can people find you out there on the worldwide? My Instagram is blood magic bitch. Yeah, every time you say it, you know, right or so the other one is which? You know, I got to it's fine. We'll have the links to those in the show notes. Stephanie, thank you so much for coming on this, this has been a blast, as always, and I cannot wait to talk to you again. Thank you for having me. All right, once again, that was Stephanie solace. Stephanie, thank you for coming onto the show. You're one of my favorite people in the world, a participant participant in some of my favorite group chats, was really great to put some of our conversation on record. And if I can just piggyback off of what Stephanie said at the very end there. Learn the magic of your people. You know, patriarchal, Christian leaning, white supremacy has us all forgetting the magic that lives within our blood that comes from our ancestors that comes from the land in which we originate. Which if you're white, is not North America. What were you what were your people doing before, missions took over before white supremacy took over before the patriarchy took over. And really tap into that magic. I really do believe that the more that we tap into our personal power, our personal truth in our personal magic, I won't necessarily say that it makes the world better. But it makes handling the world a lot better. It makes our relationship individually with the world a lot better. And when you multiply that by however many people choose to do that work. It's got to have some sort of effect, right? Anyway, for the next episode coming out in two weeks, be on the lookout. I don't have anything set in stone yet. But I will be doing some live stuff I believe with my next guest in two weeks on December 7. So be on the lookout for that. Make sure you're following me on both Instagram and Tik Tok at Leo Yockey l EOYOCKEY. The links to both are in the show notes. Have a great couple of weeks. If you're in the United States, learn whose indigenous land you're occupying. If you can do that one little thing for me on Thanksgiving, I would really appreciate that. I know I'm in Serrano territory, closely shared with the with the with the borders of Tonga, which I might be saying incorrectly, I got to learn how to say that, and shoe Mosh. But in the same vein of us learning about the true roots of our ancestry and our culture and our magic. You know, let's let's do a better job of acknowledging the fact that we are on stolen land, and that the original culture of this land is not ours. And it's not the culture that we know today. Anyway, on that note, I'll see you in a couple of weeks with a very special episode. I will not be in LA when I'm recording live. And that's part of the reason why I'm able to do these lives. So yeah, keeping it cryptic, stay evolving.